


I have the diplomacy of a booger

by pandemoniumforfree



Category: Gintama
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, F/M, future fluff, i love these two, innuendos, lots of swearing, weird analogies thanks to Kagura and Soyo, will tag as I see fit in each chapter
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-22
Updated: 2018-10-22
Packaged: 2019-08-05 19:41:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16373822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pandemoniumforfree/pseuds/pandemoniumforfree
Summary: A few of the Yato want to bring back the good ole' days in the form of a tribe. Many factions want their allegiance, and almost all of them would turn straight for earth to destroy Edo. So, instead, Princess Soyo, suggests that maybe they should send one of their own. It was a great idea, but they could only think of one Yato who might be willing to go.Kagura.And who else to join her on this quest but Okita?





	I have the diplomacy of a booger

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Gintama in any way, shape, or form. This is purely fanfiction at it's heart.

“Are you saying that we’ve been _ordered_ to _hire_ that monster girl?” It wasn’t a regular occurrence, and thus it should be marked on the calendar that he and Hijikata agreed, and Hijikata blurted out the question before Okita even processed the necessary preparations. But he wanted to hear what Konda had to say before giving his own two cents.

“Listen closely, a growing tribe of Yato is gathering on another planet, it wouldn’t be an issue if we didn’t know that there are talks between them and a variety of different anti-human and anti-shogun organizations alike. They have yet to post an allegiance, meaning…”

“Meaning that if anyone besides us garners an allegiance, we’re going to war with an entire tribe of those monsters. Thus, they’re hoping that by speaking with one of their own might help smooth over negotiations…” Hijikata interjects with a sigh. “But,” a puff of smoke from the bastards lungs filled the air, and it hung heavily as the situation also settled.

“You realize that China girl doesn’t have a single diplomatic bone in her body?” It had to be said, and Okita was more than willing to be the one to put it out there. After all, he and Kagura may be similar and have a rivalry, but at least he understood the nature of diplomacy. Kagura was every bit a food stealing, monster collecting, annoying machine of destruction that happened to be fun to fight. “We’d have better luck sending a Gorilla’s pe^#$.” Sending a pointed look to the other two, Hijikata only sighs while sweat collects on Kondo’s temples.

“That...I mean...I tried to tell them that we should send someone more influential or something, but, Princess Soyo personally recommended Kagura.”

Did he say the princess? The Shogun’s sister? How even...

“In fact, we’re not the ones hiring Kagura. Soyo will be here soon, and we’ll be escorting her so that _she_ can ask Kagura herself. She’s confident that the lil’ monster won’t reject her.” Kondo shrugged. “The three of us plus some of the Shogun’s own army will be going on this mission. Our job is to protect Kagura of Odd Jobs and ensure the success of her negotiations.” He spoke with such authority that there was no questioning what was about to take place. Okita felt like he was getting whiplash with ever addition to the conversation.

“Sougo.” Oh no…  
“Yeah, boss?”  
“I want you to stick to Kagura like glue, I don’t know if anyone else can keep up with her like you can.”  
“No offense, but isn’t protecting her _all_ of our jobs?”  
“Yes, but we need to make sure that someone is with her at every turn, no matter the situation. Besides the bathroom, you two need to be inseparable.”  
“Captain, you’re overestimating my patience and kindness by a ridiculously insane amount. Make Mayora do it!”  
“But you’re the one who is used to fighting at her level!” Speaking of Mayora!  
“Sorry Sougo, but this is already decided. No one can change any of the plans at this point except for Princess Soyo.”

At that point, Okita quit fighting it, he didn’t hate Kagura after all. In fact, he enjoys their little bouts. It was more fun than the sadist has with anyone else anymore. It encourages him to want to get stronger, to become better, and the fact that she challenges him at every turn just...he wants to see her submit to him worse than anything, but he had yet to figure out what it will take to make her break for him. But that didn’t mean that the girl didn’t often drive him to the brink of insanity. At almost every encounter.

“Mr. Kondo! Perfect! Hijikata and Okita too! Are you ready yet?”

The ever so annoyingly feminine voice of the Shogun’s little sister grated on his every nerve. He glared at the girl, mouth lopsided in mild annoyance. How come this little kid was getting so much power over him without his say when she wasn’t even the Shogun? Little vermin…

“Oh my, what a scary look Okita! Do you need to poop?” There was a devious smirk on the Princess’ face that didn’t sit well with him, was it worth the trouble...

“Ignore him, Princess, that’s just Sougo’s face.”

Hijikata, just what the hell was that bastard implying? “Sorry sorry!” Smiling sharply at the Vice Captain, “Sorry princess, the Vice Captain is under the impression that it’s an appropriate look when faced with shitty royalty, I shouldn’t have assumed.” Giving a small, mocking, bow only to be hit with the Princess’ laughter afterward and a growling Hijikata. “You guys are so funny!! Hehehe! It looks like everyone is ready then, let’s go find Kagura!”

First name basis with a Yato…”Princess, how do you know Chi- I mean, Kagura?” he asked, tilting his head with the question as they left the Shinsengumi premise. Kondo and Hijikata were quiet, but Okita could see in their eyes the same curiosity on his own.

“Ah...Kagura...hehe, she taught me what it is to have a normal life, and she’s my best friend! I just know that she can do this! After all, she’s one of the strongest and bravest people I know!” The giddy excitement of one was met by blank stares and a sudden down-cast of hope.

_The princess...normal...Kagura?_  
_I need a cigarette._  
_Better kill Hijikata before we get to this planet._

“Don’t look like that, I know...Kagura is special. She’s not like normal humans-”  
_She isn’t even human!_ ...was, in fact, the combined thought.  
“But I believe in her ability to protect everything she cares about. That includes the Odd Jobs family, me, and all of you. This world...I just know she’ll want to protect it!”

The rest of the trip was spent listening to the ramblings of a princess and their own thoughts.

It was an almost pure relief when we finally got to the Odd Jobs storefront, but it was dovetailed with a feeling of uncertainty.

Just as the Princess lifted her hand to the door, it swung open. “Sadaharu time for…“ Kagura blinked comically a few times before a smile lit her face and nearly tackled the Princess. “Soyo!! I missed you!” he grinned before the eyes of the red-headed monster fell on the three Shinsengumi, and irritation replaced the pure joy. Little shithead…

_I should just pound her into the pavement with my sword right now..._

“But why did you come with these guys? They will totally drag any kind of fun into the mud.” Kagura put a hand on her hip. Okita had to contain his urge to draw some kind of weapon right then.

“Kagura, I’m actually here about a job…”  
  
Kagura paused then, her gaze shifted from the four people at her door and subdued herself just enough to tilt her head and look up at Soyo with concern.

“Did I hear something about a job?” Shinpachi popped from the doorway, followed quickly by Gin, neither could contain their curiosity.  
“Mm, Soyo has a job for us-”  
“Kagura, I...I’m sorry, but this job can only be done by you.” Soyo interrupted quickly, causing all to recoil. “Please understand, I don’t doubt the reliability of Mr. Gin or Shinpachi, but...Kagura. There’s a tribe of Yato forming on a planet in our system and they...they haven’t chosen an allegiance yet, so I was wondering if you would talk to them?”  
Kagura seemed to be analyzing Soyo, it wasn’t a look that any of the Shinsengumi associated with the China monster. It caught all of them off guard, but Okita the most.  
“What planet?”  
“I believe it’s called Rakuyo-”  
“I refuse.” Kagura shook her head adamantly, clenching her visits. “Sorry, Soyo...but...I can’t do that.”  
“Kagura? But...if you don’t then earth may very well be invaded by an army with an entire Yato tribe attached…why not?”  
“No is no, Soyo. I refuse. Besides, I’m not good with that crap. It’s like trying to dig a huge rock of a booger outta yer nose without getting a nosebleed!”

“Eloquent as ever.” Okita couldn’t keep himself from scoffing. “What? Are you afraid? We’ll be there to protect you s-”

“NO!” Kagura snapped, “Sadaharu, let’s go! Sorry, Soyo.” 

**Author's Note:**

> So, I couldn't remember if they ever named Kagura's home planet and I tried looking it up to no avail. If you know what they called it, please tell me. Also, please PM me any critical errors you see so I might fix them. Granted, I'm not following the canon, though I'm staying in the canon universe.
> 
> However, I'm imagining Okita at 18 and Kagura at 17. Kagura IS aged up, sorry if that bothers you.


End file.
